Me, Myself and I!

Last week I was "overloaded" with messages from hurting friends who were needing a word of encouragement, simple advice, or a pat on the shoulder. I justified my workload to put those calls off until the next day and by Wednesday morning I had at least five phone messages to return along with other needs & requests that I later found in my email inbox.


I had just picked up a pen and paper to make a list of people to call back, when my phone started blinking alerting me to a new message. It was a text from a church member and this is what it said, "Polly, I know you are really busy but I have to talk to you. Is there a time I could come by today? (PLEASE!) Anytime is okay with me just let me know when to be there."  


Was God trying to get my attention or what? 


If you could have seen my reaction you would have been very disappointed in me. Let's just say the rest of the morning, I complained and grumbled acting like a spoiled, heartless brat!


Later that afternoon when my friend showed up I was determined to keep it short and sweet, even making a plan of escape if I needed to. (I know what you're thinking; I am embarrassed of myself too. Hopefully none of you can admit to acting this way. But this particular day I had my share of woes and truth be known my "flesh-woman" just wanted to put a sign on the door and say "go away, I have problems of my own.") 


Twenty-minutes into the conversation and I was so agitated, I couldn't even get a word in. I had somewhat "blocked her out" only nodding my head to persuade her I was listening. Until my thoughts were interrupted when she said, "... and Polly I knew you would be the one who would listen. I just don't have anyone I can confide in and I don't know who else would care!"


Oh brother, did I feel like the biggest jerk ever.  If jerk had an illustration it would have been me! 


Did she just say, "she knew I would listen?.....and care?" I could feel a huge lump come up in my throat, I couldn't even speak. I was embarrassed of my "superficial compassion" and to make matters worse, the Lord was quick to remind me, "She is mine, and I love her." 


How many times have I gone through the motions, completing what I like to call the "duty of serving", only to walk away completely disappointed in my selfish motives,  my need for public recognition and a pat on the back. I've disappointed God many times, by allowing my selfishness to win over the needs of another. I have no one to blame for my embarrassing behavior, except me, myself and I.


I learned a great lesson in that moment, even when we perceive no one knows our true intentions we can stand corrected, God does. He is always looking at what's behind our serve, and the motive for what we do.


Psalms 51:10-12  "Create in me a pure heart Oh Lord and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of my salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me." 


Prayer - 
Lord, You already see and know my thoughts so why do I try to conceal them from you? Forgive me for my selfish behavior. Purify my heart, Lord. Give me a "new" love for your people! May I please YOU when I serve, may I honor YOU when I give, may I impress YOU with my actions. Amen


A great book I would like to recommend that relates to this post was written by Max Lucado entitled "It's Not About Me". It can be read individually or we have even used some of the chapters as part of our Family Devotional.

Polly