Thursday, June 16, 2011

Happy Father's Day Daddy!


“Through It All”
Jackson Stegall (My Dad) 1975
At 67, my Daddy is now handicapped by the brutal, and viciously aggressive disease, known as, Frontal Temporal Dementia. Although he will be unable to read this blog, or understand the Father’s Day card I sent him by mail, (which I am sure Mom will read to him.), I still want to say: Daddy, I love you and I am so thankful for the Father you have been to me.

In your own way you loved me, the best you knew how. Teaching me how to throw a new spin on my softball pitch or showing me how to change the oil in my car. Other outward expressions of love usually consisted of a tackle to the floor, squeezing my leg so hard and tickling me until I could no longer breathe and Mom would yell, “Stop Jack, before you hurt her unintentionally.” Your love was different: strong, reserved, lacking the normal emotions, but then again what’s normal. Through it all I knew you loved me.

As I’ve grown up and become a parent myself, I understand your story better. You started your childhood with the odds against you. Born to a young mother and a father twice her age, who worked in factories and made moonshine for a living. Walked bare foot most of your life (that was the country way)without a “pot to pee in” as you would say. (That still makes me laugh.) You experienced physical & sexual abuse, abandonment, rejection, and betrayal before the age of 11, and without much hope you ventured to the streets to find acceptance, but always looked out for one another. For you and your brothers the gang was your family, a “brawl” was something you had to do for a brother and whiskey was your bottled water.

Back and forth between Virginia and Maryland, you hoped to find acceptance with your father or mother, but to no avail, so you eventually transferred your pursuit to football. You were very athletic and had a mouth on you to terrorize any opponent, which landed you a spot as Linebacker on the Philadelphia Eagle’s farm team. It looked like there was a future for you ahead and the possibility of feeling accepted was hopeful, until you were injured which forced you to resign from the team.
I guess that’s when your pursuit focused on Mom. You use to tell me, “I sure don’t know how I ever landed her? I came from the other side of the tracks, your Mom had real silver spoons, white carpet and a full-time maid named Mrs. Loddie who worked in their home”, and then with the sigh of disappointment Dad would conclude, “I guess it was my unending persistence of asking her out, that landed me a date with her. ” (I agree Dad; you were a lucky man to catch Mom!)

Things didn’t get any easier when you married, the dysfunctional family drama you grew up in spilled over into your adulthood. I was old enough to remember some of the drama that broke your heart and caused you to burst out in anger and regret. I now realize it was the lifelong “rejection” that hurt you the most. As mom puts it, you had all you could take and then God stepped in. Sometime in 1971 you accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, and even going to church for the first few years, without us. But eventually by the time I was four we were committed to church and the Lord. I really don’t know life without the Lord, and I am so grateful! Your dedication to the House of God put your family on the right course leaving us with so much more than material possessions or political title. You left us with Jesus, the greatest gift I have ever received.

There were eighteen years from the time I was born in 1969 until I ventured off to college never to return home. Some of those years better than others, but Through It All ---- You taught me so much that has made me into the woman I am today.

You taught me:
§  How to change the oil in my car and to check the air pressure in my tires.
§  How to make fried potatoes in a skillet pan.
§  How to pick steamed crabs, quickly and efficiently.
§  That when you said it the first time, you meant it and I better listen.
§  At least 50 scripture verses including the entire chapter of the 23rd Psalm and helped me to memorize all of them.
§  All 66 books of the bible and said I would thank you when I got older. You were right.
§  My dates (boyfriends) should show up to the door when picking me up.
§  To throw a mean fast pitch and to quicken my throw from shortstop, which earned me a spot on the Varsity Softball Team in 10th grade and a few State Titles for our travelling team.
§  Perfection isn’t necessary.
§  Not to be afraid to voice my opinion.
§  To take care of others.
§  That we are never rejected by God.


But the greatest lesson I learned from you Dad, was the benefits and power of prayer.

I remember in high school, on Friday nights my curfew was 11:30 pm. Sometimes I would have to pass by the church on my way home and I would see your truck in the vacant parking lot. You spent most of your Friday evenings at the church praying after midnight and sometimes even into the wee hours of the morning. I witnessed your commitment extend into my college years and one time when I came home for the summer, Mom asked me to stop by the church to check on you or take you a Big Gulp drink. I remember that night a friend and I stopped in to deliver your drink, but it was very dark and I didn’t know if you were there or not. It was so dark we were a little hesitant to go farther, but when I opened the second set of doors to the church sanctuary I heard your voice. It was a cry like I have never heard before. Your prayers were strong, like you Dad! You prayed uninhibitedly, and without restraint! I heard you call out the names of your brothers asking God to save them and as I lingered a little longer, I heard you pray for me. It was life changing! I knew this was the LOVE OF MY FATHER! A father who wasn’t always perfect, but loved me enough to sacrifice many weekend nights interceding for me, Mom, Shelley and Erik.

Thank you Dad for the Godly heritage you left to your family! I am convinced the many, many prayers offered up for us and your lifelong commitment to God and the things of God are the reason I know Him as Savior and serve Him in fulltime ministry today. I know it won’t be long you will meet our Savior in heaven and He will show you the many other lives that you have touched, motivated and encouraged along the way.

So today Daddy, as you sit in your comfy blue and white chair in Maryland, staring out the window…unable to comprehend the words of my letter….. I will sit with my family on my sofa and------Thank God big-time, for you!

The vicious disease of Dementia has taken almost everything from you, but it WILL NEVER TAKE AWAY the promise that awaits you on the other side! I honor you today Dad, by singing the song that I grew up hearing you sing often. The words mean so much more to me today and as I sing them, I commit you to the Lord. 

I love you Daddy!

This songs for you:
Through it all, through it all ---I’ve learned to trust in Jesus, I’ve learned to trust in God. Through it all, through it all ---I’ve learned to depend upon His word. I thank God for the mountains and I thank God for the valleys and I thank Him for the storms he’s brought me through. For if I never had a problem I wouldn’t know my God could solve them, I wouldn’t know what faith in God could do.
Lexy, Pop and Karson --Pop in his blue and white chair!
Pop (My Dad), Nana (my Mom) and grandkids, Zion, Noah, Taylor, Logan, Karson and Lexy
  


Polly

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